#automatic layout

[boycritter]

#retailtherapy

[church-of-crayak]

i wanted to share my updated web layout, since tumblr's trying to move away from the profile sites and onto the boring little blogs in the dashboard :)

i'm still using the same template i was before, but now i have a little floatie of visser three (which i commissioned from a mutual as a birthday present to myself) and i've managed to make it look even more outdated... which is my goal. after all, animorphs takes place in the era of geocities.

eventually i'll update it to something a little more personalized, a little more over the top, but for now? i think it's pretty cute :)

[dreams-and-honor]

Somehow things have progressed into Jacob giving me a nickname that is so fucking embarrassing and off-brand for me that I have to bite my desk whenever I think about it

[jaeminvore]

can we please get the old tumblr desktop layout back this new one is ugly and annoying

[maxaroniiiii]

oh god i hate this

[1o1percentmilk]

some of u bitches gotta stop tagging stuff as roguelike on steam if it doesnt have PERMADEATH and PROCEDURAL GENERATION with GAMEPLAY THAT RELIES ON GENERATED STRUCTURES then i dont want to even BEGIN to hear it

[sufiblackmamba]

People use such bad stories for phishing...

[yuzunagis]

i reached thirty tags oops love you niabear 🧸🤎

TELL ME WHAT YOU ASSOCIATE WITH ME

COLORS, SONGS, AESTHETICS, PEOPLE, ANYTHTING

[oarfishing]

god its such bullshit that people are selling goddamn AI DESIGNS as $80 adoptables. was going through etsy and half of the shit on there is ai garbage. whatever, i dont care, but the fucking audacity of selling this for $100 is insane. im not giving you an eight hour shifts paycheck for a sentence you fed into a machine

[niennanir]

Listen to your elders

So last week I posted abut the importance of downloading your fic. And then three days later AO3 went down for 24 hours. No one was more weirded out by this than I was. But while y’all were acting like the library at Alexandria was on fire I was reading my download fic and editing chapter eight of Buck, Rogers, and the 21st Century. And also thinking about what I could do to be helpful when the crisis was actually over.

So first off, I’m going to repeat that if you’re going to bookmark a fic, you really need to also download the fic and back it up in a safe place. I just do it automatically now and it’s a good habit to get into.

But let’s talk about some other scenarios. Last October I lost power for over a week after hurricane Ian. Apart from not having internet or A/C I did find plenty to do, I collect books so I had plenty to read, but maybe, unlike me, your favorite comfort reads aren’t sitting on a bookshelf. So let’s do something about that, shall we?

In olden times many long years ago around 1995 we printed off a lot of fic. It was mostly SOP to print a fic you planned to reread and stick it in a three ring binder. And that’s totally valid today too, but you can also make a very nice paperback with a minimum amount of skill and materials.

Let’s start with the download; Go to Ao3 and select your fic, we’ll be working with one of mine. This method works best with one shots, long fic tends to need a more complicated approach. Get yourself an HTML download

Open up the HTML download and select all then copy paste into any word processor. Set the page to landscape and two columns, then change the font to something you find easy to read, this is your book, no judgement. This is all you have to do for layout but I like to play a little bit. I move all the meta, summary, notes to the end and pick out a fun font for the title: 

No time like the present to do a quick proofread. Congratulations, you’ve just created your first typeset. On to the fun part.

Now you’re going to need some materials:  8.5x11in paper ruler one sheet of 12x12 medium card stock (60-80lb) scissors pencil pen or fine tip marker sheet of wax paper white glue two binder clips 2 heavy books or 1 brick butter knife

You’ll also need a printer, if you’re in the US there is almost a 100% chance your local library has a printer you can use if you don’t have your own. None of these materials are expensive and you can literally use cheap copy paper and Elmers glue.

Print your text block, one page per side. Fold the first page in half so that the blank side is inside and the printed side out:

use the butter knife to crease the edge. Repeat on all the sheets. When you’ve finished, stack them up with the raw edge on the left and the folded edge on the right. I used standard copy paper, because you’re only printing on one side there’s no bleed to worry about. Take the text block and line everything up. Use the binder clips to hold the raw edge in place.

Wrap the text block in the wax paper so that the raw edge and binder clips are facing out. I’m going to use my home built book press but you don’t need one, a brick or a couple of books or anything else heavy will work fine.

Once the text block is anchored down, take off he binder clips and get out the glue.

You can use a brush but you don’t need one, smear some glue on that raw edge.

Go make a margarita, watch The Mandalorian, call your mother. Don’t come back for at least an hour

In an hour smear some more glue on there and shift your brick forward so that the whole book is covered. This keeps the paper from warping. While glue part 2 is drying we’ll do the cover. Get out your 12x12 cardstock

Mark the cardstock off at 8.5 inches and cut it. Measure in 5.5 inches from the left and put in a score line with the butter knife (the back edge not the sharp edge)

Carefully fold the score line, this is your front cover. You have some options for the cover title, you can use a cutting machine like a cricut if you have one, you can print out a title on the computer and use carbon paper to transfer the text to the cardstock. I was in a mood so I just freehanded that beoch. Pencil first then in pen.

Take your text block out from under your brick. Line it up against the score mark and mark the second score on the other side of the spine

Fold the score and glue the textblock into the cover at the spine. Once the glue dries up mark the back cover with the pencil and then trim the back cover to fit with your scissors.

Voila:

I’m going to put this baby on the shelf next to the Silmarillion.

The whole process, not counting drying time, took less than an hour.

If you want to make a book of a longer fic, I recommend Renegade Publishing, they have a ton of resources for fan-binders. 

[angelsforthenight]

i could eat that girl for lunch… (ellie williams)

ways you can help gaza🇵🇸

summary: you post cute pictures on your story in the hopes of gaining a certain girl’s attention… luckily you get more than what you anticipated ;)

cw: mdni, fem!reader, texting, cunnilingus, desperate top!ellie, teasing sub!reader, cannibalistic metaphors, cursing, ellie is goofy lmao

you’re this close to screaming. the winged eyeliner on your left eye somehow keeps fucking up; either looking too splotchy or shorter than your right one. what’s pissing you off the most is the fact that you aren’t even going anywhere… getting all dolled up just to take it all off in 15 minutes, just to post cute little photos on your story and, of course, just to get her attention.

ellie williams. the name rolled off your tongue with such velvety sleek. every single one of your friends knows her name; has had to endure through your countless obsessive gushes.

you two had met during a party. having been in a drunken haze, you barely remember the first conversation that sparked such an interest, but you do remember her gin breath against your ear: asking/shouting, amidst the blaring music, if you had wanted to go somewhere a little more quieter. the night ended up in you being fingered in her car, before being driven back home by her. a freckle-faced angel in a leather jacket coated with small pins and badges. you were immediately hooked. but it’s been a week since then, and you two haven’t spoken. having achieved her number, you thought of messaging, but didn’t want to come across as desperate, even though you so are.

you thank instagram suggested for bringing you her account on a platter; being filled with niche, introverted posts of every cool-looking thing but her face. she doesn’t even have a “me” highlights! you can’t tell if her lack in posting her face is a blessing or a curse. so here you are, getting ready to post on your story since you followed her the day before. the skin around your eye is starting to sting by the amount of times you’ve been wiping and restarting your eyeliner. it needs to be perfect. you’ve orchestrated all this to be perfect. you take a deep breath and focus, striving to get the perfect wing.

“thank fuck.” you murmur under your breath once you finally get it right, before enveloping your lips in lipstick. you admire yourself in the mirror once done. you look fucking amazing.

since you spent way too long putting on your makeup, it wouldn’t be fair to yourself to only post one picture, so you post a couple. a mirror picture following up a layout of 4 images with the perfect song in the background. a little smile tugs at your lips as you replay the story two, three, four times before setting it on do not disturb and finding something else to do. your heart pounds at the thought of ellie seeing it, praying that she’ll interact. even a simple like will do.

after removing your makeup and getting into your pyjamas, you click on a movie to pass time, setting your phone on do not disturb. half an hour passes, and you’ve been neurotically checking your phone for a sign of ellie to appear on your notifications, but nothing. you check your story to see if she’s seen it but again, nothing. another hour passes, and you check for any sign of ellie. nada. look at my story, you freak! are the words etched in your head, words you wished you could telepathically scream at her. you remember you set your phone on do not disturb for a reason, so you place it far away and focus on finishing the film.

a while later, you’re slumped on your couch on the verge of falling asleep. the movie’s ended and it was so boring that you’re finding it hard to keep your eyes open. you decide to check your do not disturb notifications one last time before taking a nap, until your eyes fall on the name ‘ellie.’ you immediately jerk up, awake and alert: your thumb automatically pressing the notification centre so you can see what it reads.

seventeen minutes ago.

ellie liked your story

ellie liked your story

ellie replied to your story: doll face

ellie replied to your story: you need a seat? lemme volunteer 🙏🙏

a shit-eating grin lights up your face. fucking finally! not once but twice! you excitedly draw your knees up to your chest, eager fingers tapping away, ready to respond - regardless of how long you’d been waiting for her texts. play it cool….

y/n: hahaha thank u thank u <3

y/n: (replied) oh word?

you’re surprised and very happy when you see the ‘typing…’ your heart doing goddamn backflips.

ellie: wooooord

ellie: literally cannot stop replaying ur story… bring that over here 🙁

ellie: come over

!!! your heart sinks all the way down to your ass. the hell does she mean come over?

y/n: ur not serious lmaoaoaooa

ellie: i’m being deadass,,, come over.

you look at the time. it’s almost 1 in the morning.

y/n: idek where u live bru😭😭😭😭

y/n: if anything you should come over since you’ve driven me to my house b4

ellie: mmm nahhhh

you blink in disbelief when ellie sends her location over. she’s not kidding.

y/n: girl i look bummy… i don’t even have any makeup on anymore :< took it off

ellie: i really don’t care

ellie: plsplspsls come over

ellie: u won’t regret it……………. trust 🤓🤓

next thing you know you’re leaving your house in your plaid shorts and a silly graphic tee. thankfully, ellie only lives 10 minutes away, so you take a bus before walking up to her apartment.

y/n: i’m cominggg

ellie: LOL yeaa you will be coming real soon 😇😇😇

though you cringe at her text, your body betrays you; your stomach forming a deep pit. she’s so sultry and playful you don’t know even know what to think. and there goes your heart again, hastily beating away like there’s no tomorrow. you reach the door, a trembling hand raising up to knock.

“hi.” ellie beams, smiling like an idiot. her eyes seize you from head to toe, “nice fit.”

“told you i looked bummy...” you mumbled, trying your best not to seem nervous. ellie moves aside so you can come in. her apartment smells exactly like she does; that faint campfire scent, conjoined with a forest-ey musk. a forest fire you were more than willing to burn in.

“so…“ you begin, with nothing prepared to follow up after that.

“sooooooo….” ellie repeats blithely.

“it’s been a week since… you know…” you whisper, awkwardly shifting your legs.

“since…?” ellie blinks, furrowing her eyebrows. she’s taunting you, trying to play innocent when it’s pretty fucking obvious what you’re on about.

“the party.” you respond, entertaining her coyness for no reason.

“party?” ellie pretends to think, looking up at nothing. “oh!! yeah… jesse’s one.” she smirks.

you smirk back, furrowing your eyebrows in amusement. “you could do so much better at playing dumb, y’know…”

“you think so?” ellie narrows her eyes, tilting her head as she steps closer. the impish smirk on her face never leaves. she’s having fun. you both are.

“yup. for your own good, don’t choose acting as a career.”

“for my own good?”

“for your own good.” you haven’t even realised how close you two are to each other now, daring eyes locked with another pair of daring eyes. takes one to know one. a silence permeated with tension fills the room.

“c’mere…” ellie finally mumbles before cupping your face with both hands and bringing you in for a kiss. you’re quick to melt in her grasp, your hand finding it’s way to ellie’s hair, giving it a playful tight squeeze that elicits a quiet groan from her. her hands, those goddamn hands, then move to your waist, pulling you closer. you two don’t even waste time before you’re making out with such fervor. save the sweetness for later, it’s the hunger that’s on display for now. the memory of her lips were starting to slip away from your mind and you’re glad you’re here to reboot it.

once you pull away, ellie’s eyes drift to something behind you. you follow her gaze, only for your eyes to land on a chair in the middle of the goddamn living room. it’s so random that you can’t help but burst out laughing.

“why is there a chair?” you ask in the midst of your laughing fit. it’s not even that funny, but the laughing is helping with your nerves.

“it’s for you.” ellie giggles too, a light pink tint on her cheeks that’s hard to miss.

“me?” you blink rapidly, your gaze darting from the chair to ellie, “do i sit?” you ask stupidly.

“no, you stand.” sarcasm laces her tone, as she giggles a little more, “go sit.”

“don’t order me around like i’m your dog.” you respond playfully, but you do as she says. despite your ‘tough’ front, you’d do anything she’d tell you to. guess she was being literal about offering you a seat…

ellie grins down at you, angling your chin up so you’re looking at her. you can feel the heat start to prickle in your face, down your neck and pervading the rest of your body. her thumb traces along your bottom lip, slightly dragging it down. there’s that same darkened look she had back in her car, one that makes you feel so small.

“so cute… like a human deer.” she murmurs distractedly, almost like she’s talking to herself instead of you. your head grows fuzzy, blushing even more. you mindlessly squeeze your thighs together, trying to ease the growing heat in between. ellie notices.

“you doing okay?” she softly asks, unable to mask the smug look on her face. you nod quietly. with her eyes kept on you, she lowers down until she’s on her knees, her smile growing. she kisses the top of both your kneecaps in such a tender way it sends tingles down your spine.

“can i eat you?” she breathes, her voice hollow and needy. it takes a second for those words to register in your brain.

“you…” you trail off. ellie’s gaze is very, very distracting. so intense and intrusive. she patiently waits for your answer, resting her chin on top of your knees. how can someone look so adorable and intimidating at the same time?

“please?” she adds, and you smile. a realisation has just dawned on you: you like to make her wait.

“eat me?” you cock your head to the side in feigned confusion. now it’s your turn to play dumb.

“yeah… like, your pussy.” ellie mumbles, becoming so desperate that it’s funny. she needed to be humbled at least a little. “i want a taste…”

“yeah?” you mock, and ellie’s face warps into a frown. “stop teasing me.”

“it’s only payback.” you shrug.

“for what?” ellie whines.

“for taking a week to text me.”

ellie stares at you for a moment. “then let me make it up to you…” her eyes travel down to your clamped thighs, wanting to open them up so bad. truth is, you’d let her devour you. chew you up like a deranged creature and watch her greedily lick the blood from her fingers. but teasing her was just so damn fun.

“aren’t your knees getting tired?” you tease, cupping the side of her face as she stares up at you with puppy eyes. it’s getting hard to resist. ellie immediately shakes her head.

“for you? never.” she whispers. your grin broadens in satisfaction. such sweet words. meaningless? maybe, but cute nonetheless.

“fine…” you sigh, leaning back and gesturing for ellie to go forth. ellie’s face lights up like a bulb, eagerly parting your legs. the movement makes you shiver, as you can feel the heated moisture of your arousal seep through your underwear. despite your shorts still being on, ellie’s lips travel up, both hands gripping your sides as her lips leave fond, wet kisses along your inner thigh. her teeth clench around the hem of your shorts, letting out a muffled chuckle as she playfully pulls your shorts down with her teeth. she’s kidding around but that’s one of the hottest things you’ve ever seen in your life.

you adjust your knees so that your shorts can be pulled down. you’re so wet your underwear is fucking see-through. you just know she’s about to say something.

“someone’s real excited-“

“shut up and keep going.” you hastily cut her off out of embarrassment. ellie laughs, glancing at you one more time before leaning back down again, dragging her ardent tongue up your inner thigh. you gasp quietly, and that little noise influences her to do more, letting out a sigh of her own; the sort of sigh you do when relaxing in a hot bath, or when pissing after holding it in for so long… like she’s needed this. you’re startled when ellie drags her tongue right in the center of your clothed heat, your breath hitching. you want more.

ellie’s teasing is relentless and mean. she sucks your clit through your underwear, eyes on you; observing the way your hips are desperately buckling up, the way your thighs are twitching.

“so mean…” you whine as ellie flicks and rolls her tongue against your underwear.

“did you want something?” ellie blinks. again with the coyness. you scowl and ellie grins in return.

“you can’t outdo the do-er, babe.” she chirps, pulling the drenched underwear off your legs. she opens your legs wide, staring at your pussy like it’s the best piece of artwork she’s ever seen. you can practically see sparkles in her eyes. you shiver when you feel her fingers pry your cunt open.

“so fucking hungry for you…” she whispers, her breathing shallow and her eyes glazed-over. she gets to work immediately, a firm trail up your vulva before kissing it with her lips. a fleshed moan doesn’t fail to escape your own lips, as your eyes flutter shut. of course she’d be good at this.

ellie moans too, gripping your thighs and pulling you closer, burying her face in between your legs as she goes to town on you. she’s moving like she’s starving, like she hasn’t eaten for weeks and has been presented with a banquet.

her lips tug at your folds, your pussy slick with a mixture of your arousal and her spit. every single time her lips hit your clit it elicits yet another strong reaction from you. she’s so vigilant that she’s quick to notice that that’s your most delicate spot, so she abuses it; kissing it and pulling on it, her head shaking as she pleases you with her tongue. you nourish her with hushed praises: ones like “yes, yes…” or “you’re doing so good” to keep her going. it fuels ellie like no other, and drives her to go harder, a little faster.

her movements are so consistent and perfect that you could froth in the mouth right here and now. you grip her hair tightly, and ellie adores it: groaning happily when you squeeze too tight. you mindlessly push ellie’s head closer to your pussy, feeling the tip of her nose buried in. your moans begin to crescendo. you’re in fucking ecstasy.

“getting close, are we?” ellie pants, her thumb rubbing your clit in slow, teasing drags as she resumes sucking on your cunt.

“i’m gonna cum… i’m cumming… e-ellie…” you babble, tears threatening to pour; and it isn’t just the eye tears we’re talking about here…

“yeah? you gonna let yourself go?” ellie stares up at you, her voice a little higher and breathier. her face is warped into one of pleasure, like she’s the one being fucked.

“yeah… please ellie, i’m really close…” you whine: barely coherent, light tears streaming down your face. ellie chuckles at how adorable you look, taking a second to appreciate how good you look when needy. she dives back in, her nails digging into your thigh as her mouth moves with the perfect vigour to push you off the edge. and oh, you do.

one last strong lick gets you off: your spine bending backwards, same as your head as you let out a strangled scream. you grip her hair tightly, your eyes momentarily rolling to the back of your head as ellie purposely continues to extend the high a little bit. eventually, she pulls back. the both are you are completely out of breath - huffing and panting like dogs.

you slump back in your chair, completely out of it and in a daze. ellie smiles.

“you okay?” she murmurs, appreciating your cute, spent look. you nod quietly in response.

“fuck, my knees.” she mumbles, before sitting back and stretching them. you laugh a little.

“there was no need for the chair.” you reply.

“i know… but i wanted to. it was hot.”

“it was.” you smile. you’re glad you decided to get dolled up for your story tonight.

a/n: i’m back! i’ve been so caught up in school that i haven’t been able to post fics as much but i’ll try 2 be more active :33 i’m absolutely obsessed with billie’s lunch so i made an ellie fic based off of it. hope u enjoyed and if u have any requests leave them in the ask inbox !!!

[internetservices11]

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[roseband]

also how tf do i rewrite my resume to include....

i was the only one geeky enough to make automation templates for the brand i work on materials for at work...and the previous three graphic artists in my position couldn't figure it out, im smarter than them, im smaaaart i can do maaath... im an artist who knows MATH

i am adobe scripting and batch process queen... gimme yob

like i've basically automated every portion of my job that would be outsourced to india (cause i was tired of having to fix the work coming in from india tbh)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

You should be using an RSS reader

On OCTOBER 23 at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, GEORGIA, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.

No matter how hard we all wish it were otherwise, the sad fact is that there aren't really individual solutions to systemic problems. For example: your personal diligence in recycling will have no meaningful impact on the climate emergency.

I get it. People write to me all the time, they say, "What can I change about my life to fight enshittification, or, at the very least, to reduce the amount of enshittification that I, personally, experience?"

It's frustrating, but my general answer is, "Join a movement. Get involved with a union, with EFF, with the FSF. Tell your Congressional candidate to defend Lina Khan from billionaire Dem donors who want her fired. Do something systemic."

There's very little you can do as a consumer. You're not going to shop your way out of monopoly capitalism. Now that Amazon has destroyed most of the brick-and-mortar and digital stores out of business, boycotting Amazon often just means doing without. The collective action problem of leaving Twitter or Facebook is so insurmountable that you end up stuck there, with a bunch of people you love and rely on, who all love each other, all hate the platform, but can't agree on a day and time to leave or a destination to leave for and so end up stuck there.

I've been experiencing some challenging stuff in my personal life lately and yesterday, I just found myself unable to deal with my usual podcast fare so I tuned into the videos from the very last XOXO, in search of uplifting fare:

https://www.youtube.com/@xoxofest

I found it. Talks by Dan Olson, Cabel Sasser, Ed Yong and many others, especially Molly White:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTaeVVAvk-c

Molly's talk was so, so good, but when I got to her call to action, I found myself pulling a bit of a face:

But the platforms do not exist without the people, and there are a lot more of us than there are of them. The platforms have installed themselves in a position of power, but they are also vulnerable…

Are the platforms really that vulnerable? The collective action problem is so hard, the switching costs are so high – maybe the fact that "there's a lot more of us than there are of them" is a bug, not a feature. The more of us there are, the thornier our collective action problem and the higher the switching costs, after all.

And then I had a realization: the conduit through which I experience Molly's excellent work is totally enshittification-proof, and the more I use it, the easier it is for everyone to be less enshittified.

This conduit is anti-lock-in, it works for nearly the whole internet. It is surveillance-resistant, far more accessible than the web or any mobile app interface. It is my secret super-power.

It's RSS.

RSS (one of those ancient internet acronyms with multiple definitions, including, but not limited to, "Really Simple Syndication") is an invisible, automatic way for internet-connected systems to public "feeds." For example, rather than reloading the Wired homepage every day and trying to figure out which stories are new (their layout makes this very hard to do!), you can just sign up for Wired's RSS feed, and use an RSS reader to monitor the site and preview new stories the moment they're published. Wired pushes about 600 words from each article into that feed, stripped of the usual stuff that makes Wired nearly impossible to read: no 20-second delay subscription pop-up, text in a font and size of your choosing. You can follow Wired's feed without any cookies, and Wired gets no information about which of its stories you read. Wired doesn't even get to know that you're monitoring its feed.

I don't mean to pick on Wired here. This goes for every news source I follow – from CNN to the New York Times. But RSS isn't just good for the news! It's good for everything. Your friends' blogs? Every blogging platform emits an RSS feed by default. You can follow every one of them in your reader.

Not just blogs. Do you follow a bunch of substackers or other newsletters? They've all got RSS feeds. You can read those newsletters without ever registering in the analytics of the platforms that host them. The text shows up in black and white (not the sadistic, 8-point, 80% grey-on-white type these things all default to). It is always delivered, without any risk of your email provider misclassifying an update as spam:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/10/dead-letters/

Did you know that, by default, your email sends information to mailing list platforms about your reading activity? The platform gets to know if you opened the message, and often how far along you've read in it. On top of that, they get all the private information your browser or app leaks about you, including your location. This is unbelievably gross, and you get to bypass all of it, just by reading in RSS.

Are your friends too pithy for a newsletter, preferring to quip on social media? Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to get an RSS feed from Insta/FB/Twitter, but all those new ones that have popped up? They all have feeds. You can follow any Mastodon account (which means you can follow any Threads account) via RSS. Same for Bluesky. That also goes for older platforms, like Tumblr and Medium. There's RSS for Hacker News, and there's a sub-feed for the comments on every story. You can get RSS feeds for the Fedex, UPS and USPS parcels you're awaiting, too.

Your local politician's website probably has an RSS feed. Ditto your state and national reps. There's an RSS feed for each federal agency (the FCC has a great blog!).

Your RSS reader lets you put all these feeds into folders if you want. You can even create automatic folders, based on keywords, or even things like "infrequently updated sites" (I follow a bunch of people via RSS who only update a couple times per year – cough, Danny O'Brien, cough – and never miss a post).

Your RSS reader doesn't (necessarily) have an algorithm. By default, you'll get everything as it appears, in reverse-chronological order.

Does that remind you of anything? Right: this is how social media used to work, before it was enshittified. You can single-handedly disenshittify your experience of virtually the entire web, just by switching to RSS, traveling back in time to the days when Facebook and Twitter were more interested in showing you the things you asked to see, rather than the ads and boosted content someone else would pay to cram into your eyeballs.

Now, you sign up to so many feeds that you're feeling overwhelmed and you want an algorithm to prioritize posts – or recommend content. Lots of RSS readers have some kind of algorithm and recommendation system (I use News, which offers both, though I don't use them – I like the glorious higgeldy-piggeldy of the undifferentiated firehose feed).

But you control the algorithm, you control the recommendations. And if a new RSS reader pops up with an algorithm you're dying to try, you can export all the feeds you follow with a single click, which will generate an OPML file. Then, with one click, you can import that OPML file into any other RSS reader in existence and all your feeds will be seamlessly migrated there. You can delete your old account, or you can even use different readers for different purposes.

You can access RSS in a browser or in an app on your phone (most RSS readers have an app), and they'll sync up, so a story you mark to read later on your phone will be waiting for you the next time you load up your reader in a browser tab, and you won't see the same stories twice (unless you want to, in which case you can mark them as unread).

RSS basically works like social media should work. Using RSS is a chance to visit a utopian future in which the platforms have no power, and all power is vested in publishers, who get to decide what to publish, and in readers, who have total control over what they read and how, without leaking any personal information through the simple act of reading.

And here's the best part: every time you use RSS, you bring that world closer into being! The collective action problem that the publishers and friends and politicians and businesses you care about is caused by the fact that everyone they want to reach is on a platform, so if they leave the platform, they'll lose that community. But the more people who use RSS to follow them, the less they'll depend on the platform.

Unlike those largely useless, performative boycotts of widely used platforms, switching to RSS doesn't require that you give anything up. Not only does switching to RSS let you continue to follow all the newsletters, webpages and social media accounts you're following now, it makes doing so better: more private, more accessible, and less enshittified.

Switching to RSS lets you experience just the good parts of the enshitternet, but that experience is delivered in manner that the new, good internet we're all dying for.

My own newsletter is delivered in fulltext via RSS. If you're reading this as a Mastodon or Twitter thread, on Tumblr or on Medium, or via email, you can get it by RSS instead:

https://pluralistic.net/feed/

Don't worry about which RSS reader you start with. It literally doesn't matter. Remember, you can switch readers with two clicks and take all the feeds you've subscribed to with you! If you want a recommendation, I have nothing but praise for Newsblur, which I've been paying $2/month for since 2011 (!):

https://newsblur.com/

Subscribing to feeds is super-easy, too: the links for RSS feeds are invisibly embedded in web-pages. Just paste the URL of a web-page into your RSS reader's "add feed" box and it'll automagically figure out where the feed lives and add it to your subscriptions.

It's still true that the new, good internet will require a movement to overcome the collective action problems and the legal barriers to disenshittifying things. Almost nothing you do as an individual is going to make a difference.

But using RSS will! Using RSS to follow the stuff that matters to you will have an immediate, profoundly beneficial impact on your own digital life – and it will appreciably, irreversibly nudge the whole internet towards a better state.

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/16/keep-it-really-simple-stupid/#read-receipts-are-you-kidding-me-seriously-fuck-that-noise

[writersmess]

FAMILY LINE | EVAN BUCKLEY

gif credit

pairing: Evan Buckley x fem!reader

summary: at the end, Buck was home.

warning: slow burn, cursing, abusive family

masterlist

................................

here you were, your first day all over again. but this time, all by yourself.

it was strange to enter a new station, different trucks, different layouts, even the smell was different. this feeling wasn't new, but it was the first time you weren't afraid of what might happen, quite the opposite, you were eager to see what life had in store for you.

"you must be the new girl" a fireman caught your eye and snapped you out of your daydreams.

"that should be me" you replied with a smile, which he quickly returned. you followed him upstairs, where you found the whole house gathered around a table, having breakfast.

"Bobby, I've found a lost newbie for you" he winked at you and then sat down at the table with the others.

"I'm Bobby, the captain. welcome to 118."

"Where are you from, Strand?" Diaz. that was the name of the person who asked.

"New York" you replied in a few words.

"wow, that's awesome. I'm dying to visit there" a blue-eyed man commented with a huge smile on his lips and automatically your eyes ran to his lips. "maybe now that we have a guide, 118 could go and..."

"easy, Buck, you'll scare her off in the first few seconds at the station" Bobby said, making you laugh, and you could see Buck's cheeks redden.

while everyone bombarded you with questions about NY, and you tried your best to avoid questions about your family or your past, you could feel a pair of blue eyes staring at you the whole time. every now and then while you were answering someone, your eyes would catch on his smile, on how easily he laughed, on how comfortable he seemed around everyone. It seemed very easy to like Evan Buckley

*

you hated Evan Buckley.

a few months were enough to show how immature, irresponsible, sampled and... womanizer he was.

how could he just walk into the fire without permission, even though Bobby gave him specific orders not to? how could he date a different woman every week? I mean, it’s not your business, but still. how could he not appreciate all the people who cared about him and continue to show off all the damn time? you just couldn't deal with him. his silly jokes, his opened smile, his blue eyes... you just hated Evan Buckley.

"okay, hold on. why do you hate me so much?" he said to you when he noticed you rolling your eyes at something he was saying. everyone at the table turned to you and you felt your face redden.

"i don't hate you"

"but you certainly don't like him" Chim added and you rolled your eyes again.

"It's not like that-"

"you roll your eyes every time he speaks" it was Hen's turn. Jesus, were these people your friends?

"I-"

"and you get away from him every time he starts talking" Eddie added.

"ouch" Buck said hurt and you took control again.

"okay, fine" you started and all eyes were on you "I think it's ridiculous the way you don't care about the people around you" you let out and before he could reply you gathered all your courage to poured out the rest. "you have so many people who love you and care for you, and I get the feeling that you don't care about any of it. you go into the fire without caring if you'll come back, you don't respect Bobby's orders when he tells you to evacuate a building, and you're always trying to play the hero. but guess what, you're not a hero! you're Buck, a human who gets hurt, who one day might not make it out of a burning building, in fact, you've almost died more times than I can count. and you don't even care about that, you don't care about the fact that you have a sister who loves you and would be destroyed without you, that your friends would suffer without you, that Cristopher would be devastated without you, that Bobby would lose a son! I don't think that's fair, because you have this and don’t care, while there are people out there who don't have any of that, no one who cares if you're going to come home. I don't have that, and I-I..."

everyone was silent listening to you talk and you didn't notice that your eyes were full of tears. you tried to pull yourself together and when Bobby started to say something, you interrupted him.

"I'm sorry. none of this is any of my business."

the rest of the day sucked. everyone tried to talk to you about your outburst and you ran away from literally everyone, all the time. everyone except Buck, he was avoiding you too. you were feeling like shit. as soon as the shift was over, you got dressed and left as quickly as possible, thinking about the possibilities you had of crawling into the covers and never coming out again.

"hey" you jumped scared as you tried to open the door to your apartment and turned back frightened and trembling. "sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

"I keep forgetting that you're my neighbor," you answered Buck with a sigh and he smiled.

"in my defense, I lived here long before you arrived" he was smiling. after everything you said to him earlier, he was smiling at you. you were an idiot.

"look-"

"I-" you started talking together and he signaled for you to speak.

"I'm sorry about earlier-"

"you don't have to-" he cut you off but you didn't let him finish either.

"yes Buck, I do have to apologize. it's absolutely not your fault that I'm frustrated, that I don't have anyone who cares about me the way you do. I was extremely selfish and childish, it's not your fault at all. I was upset and I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

"You know you were right" he replied "I'm irresponsible, I know that. I-I know that one day I might not come back from a call, and I know I'm not a hero, but if I die saving one life, that's enough for me."

that just broke you down more. you really were an idiot. Buck was just a man with the right motivations, but the wrong methods.

*

the day was strange, something was off. and it wasn't even the fact that you woke up vomiting your guts out. it was something... different. you went to work anyway, took some nausea pills and left.

"hey, you okay?" buck stopped you as you were leaving the bathroom after throwing up for the third time this morning and you nodded. you felt like crying.

"I'll be fine" you said, but your voice was far from confident and it was Buck's turn to roll his eyes at you.

"come on, let's get you some water." he led you upstairs and sat you down at the table. "Bobby taught me a recipe of a wonderful soup for days like these, you'll feel brand new" he said excitedly and you smiled.

"Buck, thanks but you don't have to"

things were still awkward between you, you still felt bad about the things you'd said and Buck still seemed to tread on eggshells around you, but when you were around each other, he never put you off or made you feel bad.

and you kind of hated Buck a little more because of it. he had every right to dislike you, but he never held any grudges against you, quite the opposite, he seemed to enjoy your presence. despite the situation between you.

"hey what's going on?" Eddie asked, coming into the kitchen.

"I-"

"she's not feeling well"

"who's not feeling well?" Hen asked worriedly, sitting down next to you, and you couldn't answer again as Buck pointed at you.

"I caught her throwing up just now" he replied and Hen turned worriedly to you.

"you're feverish and pale" she said, touching your face.

"who's sick?" Chim came up to you chewing a snack and everyone pointed at you.

"she was vomiting and has a fever. we can administer medication into her vein, for nausea and the fever"

"guys, I'll be fine. it's just food poisoning, I'll wake up better tomorrow" no one seemed to believe you and you laughed softly. was that the feeling of being looked after?

"Strand, I've got someone for you," Bobbie said coming up the stairs and when you turned, you couldn't have been more surprised to see who was there.

"dad?" your stomach churned, but you took a deep breath, you weren't going to throw up now.

everyone was looking at the scene curiously, you'd never spoken of your father before, or anything involving your past, apart from the little confession a few days ago when you'd shouted at Buck. but the atmosphere was tense, your eyes were wide and you took a few steps back, which didn't go unnoticed by Buck, who, when looked at Bobby, realized that the older man had noticed the same thing.

"hello daughter" Owen Strand had that stupid grin on his lips.

"what are you doing here?" you were nauseous, your head was spinning and your hands were shaking. this couldn't be happening.

"we've come to take you home" was when you noticed your brother standing next to your father. TK had that look of guilt, the same one you saw before you left them behind.

"maybe you should go to my office for some privacy" Bobby said as he noticed the mood in the room.

"no!" you were quick to say, too quick. Buck unconsciously approached you and the moment you felt his presence at your side, you moved closer. now it was clear to everyone that something was wrong. you were frightened. suddenly everyone assumed a defensive posture, aware of what was happening.

"sis, come on" it was TK's turn to speak and as he realized that you had taken another step back, you saw the look of pain flash across his eyes. you were afraid of him.

"okay, let's get this show over with and get out of here. I'm getting tired of you" Owen tried to grab your arm but before you could pull away, the boys moved faster. Buck and Eddie got in front of you while Bobby pulled Owen away.

"okay, let's calm down here, Captain."

Everyone finally realized that your father was wearing a firefighter's jacket. he was a fireman.

"calm down? you've got to be kidding me," he was losing control. "I want you to step aside and let me talk to my daughter," he pointed at the boys in front of him, but no one moved.

you touched Buck's arm in acceptance, and he moved slightly to the side, just enough for Owen to see you.

his ironic laugh echoed through the room and your heart heaved. this was your father, how could he do this to you, again?

"you have no idea what you've done. I almost lost my job because of you, you little bit-“

"because of me?" your voice came out loud, catching everyone off guard. you stepped outside the barrier they had set up for your protection and anger took over. "you've always been a terrible father to me, we moved from New York because of TK, but I also had my life, I had my job, I had everything there, and do you remember what you said to me, dad? you said that you didn’t care, if I had enough money for it, than I should stay”

you got closer to Owen and the same look of anger that was in his eyes, you had in yours.

"I went to Texas with you, and you made my life a living hell, just like it always was with you. you didn't make it easy for me in 116, right? like never before in my life. until that day I never thought I could hate my father as much as I did from that moment on. in front of everyone you humiliated me, you belittled me, you showed me how much you never cared about me, and you hit me, dad. It's hard to put into words everything I've felt my whole life with you since my mother left us. I was just a child in need of your love, what did I do to deserve your resentment? I mean, I was a kid but I wasn’t clueless, I know that you hated me because of my mother, and I hated her too, cause she left me with you”

at that moment, tears were falling down your cheeks, but you didn't care anymore, you just needed to get it out. Owen tried to say something, but you cut him off again.

"I can forget, but never forgive. I'll never forgive you for the lost holidays, the lost birthdays, the lost childhood. all my past I've tried to erase it, but now I see, why would I change it? it made me who I am today, someone totally different from you, Owen. we might share a face and a last name, but we’re not the same. I hate you, and if I have to end your career to show you the extent of my hatred, I will fucking do it.”

as if time had slowed down, you saw the moment Owen's eyes filled with hatred, the exact moment he raised his hand towards you and approached. you were no longer afraid of him. you puffed out your chest and raised your face.

the hit never came.

Bobby held your father's hand in the air and stopped in front of you.

“get out of my firehouse right now, or I'll get you out myself. and if you dare to go near her again, you'll have this same conversation, but it'll be at a table in the police station and with my wife, the sergeant.”

the tension in the air was thick. Owen took one last look at you and turned around, leaving in heavy steps. TK didn't even bother to look at you, he just followed his father like a lost dog. coward.

suddenly all eyes were on you.

"I'm sorry" you said to Bobby in a shaky voice and he nodded. "I'm sorry, thank you" you repeated before he said anything. you felt a soft touch on your arm and turned to Buck, and that's when everything in you seemed to break again. the tears came out without you realizing it and the thank you came out in sobs.

"thank you" you kept repeating between sobs, and he quickly pulled you into his arms. the crying intensified and he just held you in, stroking your back. you tried to speak but nothing came out.

you could hear Bobby telling everyone to get out of the kitchen and you sank further into Buck's arms, letting yourself cry. cry for the situation that had just occurred, crying for your lost childhood, crying for your mother having abandoned you, crying for never having had a father who truly loved you, crying for everything you didn't have.

Buck's heart broke with every sob that came out of your mouth. he wanted to pull you deeper and deeper into his embrace, to take that pain away from you, the pain he knew so well. the pain of not being loved by your own parents, the pain of rejection. he wanted to make it clear that you had someone who cared, that you had him there at that moment. and it all made sense now, you saying that no one cared about you, because it was true.

"come on, let's go home" he said when he realized that your sobs had turned into small sighs. when he noticed that you were about to say something, he spoke faster. "no need to apologize or thank me, I've got your back"

*

what a mess.

what a mess your life has become.

it was late afternoon, the sun was setting in LA, and you were admiring the sky from your window. the coffee in your hand was already cold, and to be honest, it would be the first thing of the day to enter your stomach.

after an early morning visit from Bobby at your place, he suggested that you took a few personal days off, and you couldn't refuse, you needed it, your head and heart needed the rest. as the conversation went on, it was hard to accept that the man in front of you treated you with more empathy and love than the one who was supposed to be your father, they held the same position in the corporation, but they were totally different. Bobby defended and looked after you even though he hadn't known you for so long, while the other hurt you for a lifetime. life was unfair.

the silence was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell and nothing could have prepared you for that scene.

"hey there, we brought dinner, I hope you don't mind"

it was Buck with Jee-Yun on his arms, he held some bags in his unoccupied hand, and she held a small bouquet of flowers in her little hands.

"B-Buck, I-I"

"can we come in?" he asked and you moved out of the way.

"this is for you" the child's voice echoed in the room and she handed you the flowers. your eyes filled with tears and you smiled at the little girl.

"thank you sweetie, I love it. did you choose it?" she smiled and nodded.

Buck took some drawings and colored pencils out of a bag and the girl ran to the table.

"Buck" you entered in front of the blue-eyed man and he stopped what he was doing, paying attention to you. too much attention. "I'm sorry about yesterday, I know we haven't had a chance to talk yet, but thank you" you finished, your cheeks reddening as you realized you were too close to Buck.

"I told you, you don’t have to thank me" he replied as if it were nothing and went through his bags. "I hope you're hungry, I brought your favorite”

"how do you know this is my favorite?" you heart was beating a little faster and your cheeks were getting redder. Buck shrugged and looked at you with a smirk on his face.

"I heard you talking about it"

it's not like he was paying much attention to you, he just heard you talking about it with the guys. no big deal. maybe you were too sensitive about the whole situation and your head was creating scenarios.

it was an amazing evening. Buck never mention what had happened the day before, let alone treat you with pity, Jee-Yun was the sweetest girl in the world, and apparently she loved your company, to the point of ending the night sleeping on your lap. you were concentrating on the childish smell coming off her, when you noticed Buck looking at you.

"what?"

"you're good with children" he replied smiling, and your damn heart beat faster again.

"I really like them" you went back to touching Jee-Yun's hair, when you heard a muffled laugh coming from Buck. "what's so funny?"

"if I'd known that a dose of toddler would stop you hating me, I'd have brought her a lot sooner." his words made you smile.

"I told you I didn't hate you, I just didn't like you that much" he laughed again. his smile was so beautiful.

"we'd better get going, I promised her parents I wouldn't take her home late" he said as he approached and you gave him the sleepy kid.

"of course" you watched the way he tucked the little girl into his big arms and followed him to the door. "thank you for the evening, I really needed it"

"it was nothing, you're great company, she loved you" he said, pointing at his niece. "I'll see you later"

you kinda liked Evan Buckley now.

*

"I know you asked me not to bring anything, but I couldn't help myself, I'm sorry," Buck said, entering your apartment with a jar full of cookies.

"when did you cook that? you know what, never mind" you said laughing, turning your attention back to the food.

after the visit with his niece, Buck showed the next day again, and every other day after that with dinner, he didn't miss a single day. it was amazing how Buck made everything lighter, on the days when your thoughts wouldn't give you a break, he would find a way to distract you, or when you wanted to talk, he knew how to listen to you, or when you just wanted to be quiet, he would accompany you in silence. Buck never mentioned what had happened with your family, never asked you anything, he always made you feel comfortable in his presence, and you were getting used to it.

your heart proved treacherous around the blue-eyed man, apparently it started beating faster when Buck was around, and you didn't know what was going on.

"a penny for your thoughts" Buck took you out of your head and you realized how close he was.

"I-I... Sorry, I was just, just focused on the food"

"you didn't have to worry, you know I don't mind bringing it"

"I know, but I also know that today was a hard day, so I wanted to prepare something for you, and thank you for, you know, everything" you couldn't look him in the eye and Buck pulled you close, staring at you, it unsettled you.

"I've already told you there's no need to thank me, I enjoy your company"

your face was hot and you were sure it was red. but from this angle Buck's eyes looked much bluer than usual, and his lips with a slight smile were so beautiful and inviting.

"I think something's burning," Buck said in a whisper and too close to your face.

"o-oh, yeah, okay" God, you were pathetic.

living with a father and a brother meant that you would never have anyone to have girls talk. living with a father and a brother who hated you meant that you would never have any personal conversations of any kind. this kind of trauma made it hard for you to open up to people and maintain friendships. being at 118 was everything you'd never had in your life, and it was the biggest change of your life, because they didn't just work together, they were family and made you feel part of it too.

this trauma also reflected on your romantic life, you never really fell in love, you didn't really know what it was like. when a guy talked about feelings, you decided it was time to walk away.

and believing that you hated Buck was much more comfortable, because being with him and realizing the person he really was, was making you confused. the way he took care of you without wanting anything in return made your heart beat stronger. how he came to you during the day to see if everything was all right, if you were feeling well. or the dinners that became your thing now, you would always have dinner together, no matter where or how. this had been going on for months.

your feelings for Buck were growing, but how would they not. he was so affectionate, so kind, so easy to be around, you were always anxious to be around him, and loved looking into those big blue eyes when he was too focused on something to notice you staring, the way he always touched you to draw your attention, the way he kept flirting with you just to see your face turn red, the way your body reacted when he was around. Buck was breathtaking. and he wasn’t making things any easier for you, it was really easy to fall in love with Buck.

oh damn.

you were in love with Evan Buckley.

*

"hey you okay?" you were startled by a voice breaking the silence in the locker room, it was Eddie.

"you scared me"

"I usually do that to people" he said, sitting down next to you and you laughed.

"idiot"

"what happened between you and Buck? you didn’t leave with him today"

"nothing" you looked away and Eddie knew something was wrong between you.

"did you guys had a fight? It's not like you're not together all the time, every second of the day" he teased.

"no, it's fine"

"come on, something must-"

"I'm in love with him" you blurted out.

you got up from the bench and started walking around the room anxiously, Eddie stayed silent waiting for you to continue.

"I'm in love with him, Eddie, and I don't know what to do with this information, I'm kind of freaking out in here" you said, pointing to your heart and then to your head. "this has never happened before, I've never liked anyone enough to stay, and I want to stay, I want this, I want to feel this and I want to feel it with him. it's very easy to like Buck, I mean, have you seen that smile? the way he smiles when he's up to something or when he laughs at his own jokes, which, let's face it, are terrible. and those blue eyes? they're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my life. but I'm terrified, that's the truth. I've never seen him in a relationship, a real one, what's to say he'd want one with me? that's taking into account that he likes me, which he clearly doesn't, I mean, I know he likes me as a friend, we have such a good friendship, but he certainly doesn't like me in a romantic way, I'm sure of that, have you seen what a mess I am? If you haven't, I'm telling you now, I'm a mess Eddie, and Buck is so-so"

"I thought you liked my jokes" you stopped in shock and looked at the door.

Buck.

"Buck I-I"

"I think that's my cue to leave the lovebirds alone," Eddie said as he left and you hadn't even noticed that he was still there.

"so you like me, huh?" he said coming closer and you really wished there was a hole to stick your head in.

"Buck" you sighed defeatedly, how embarrassing was this. "I like you, I like you a lot"

"then we have to talk" he said seriously and your heart sank. this was the time you would be rejected. again.

"Buck, don't. I know you'll say you don't feel the same way, and frankly I don't need any more humiliation, it's enough that you've heard all this. I'm fine and I'll be fine, I promise you" you picked up your things, still not facing Buck. "I'm going home now, let's just pretend this never happ-"

"I like you" he stopped in front of you and with his face too close to yours, continued to speak "oh fuck it, I'm in love with you, completely, deeply, truly in love with you”

his hands were on your face holding you in place. your heart couldn't even fit in your chest anymore, and you were probably going to cry at any second.

"i love how comfortable you feel next to me, i love how you fix your hair when you get nervous, or when you turn red when i flirt with you. i love all your smiles, the happy one, the stupid one, the ironic one, and especially the one that's mine. the one that's kept just for me, when we're having dinner together, or when i meet you in the middle of the shift, or when you meet me in the middle of the scene to check if i'm okay. that will always be my favorite. i love how you make me feel at home anywhere and at anytime. you are home. I love you.”

you were definitely crying at that point.

"I think I'm in love with you too" you joked and Buck brought his face even closer to yours.

"oh you think?" he had that damn smirk on his face. "let me prove then that I'm worth being loved by you"

his mouth touched yours, and your stomach felt like a house of uncontrolled butterflies. his lips were so soft, one hand held your face while the other found your waist. your body was pressed against a wall. and suddenly your tongues were entwined in a passionate, anxious kiss. your breaths were uncontrolled and Buck had to break away when a low moan came from your mouth. he wouldn't last long with those noises you were making.

"I think we'd better go home" he said breathless.

"I'll go anywhere with you"

you definitely loved Evan Buckley.

you didn't know it yet, but Buck was about to show you that you were totally capable of being loved, and very much so. your family's story wouldn't be repeated, you wouldn't follow your family's line, you would create your own. the most beautiful love story ever seen.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Other Misc. Rambling Thoughts on the topic:

(~ !!!!!!!!! if you're just reblogging this post for the Poll section, please reblog the original post without this addition* lol. ~)

(*not that there's anything super personal or weird about the addition, just that it's meant to be kind of casual Side Commentary, not really part of the Main Point Of The Poll, so it would feel kind of weird for it to be emphasized by being included in reblogs unless the reblogs were explicitly about the side commentary, etc..... if that makes sense.. ANYWAY!)

It's neat to read the written descriptions that people are mentioning in the tags, since it's almost like I can see or conceptualize the idea as well, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING it.

Like for example: I can imagine a vase, it's a muted mint green and slightly translucent, elaborate golden birds sprawled down the side in streaks of thin rough watery paint, the base material shimmers gently in the light, there's a small chip where it's cracked on the handle, etc, etc. .. But as I'm thinking about this I see literally nothing.

It seems like perhaps some people can visualize an object first, and THEN describe what they see. But I sort of work backwards. I am building the object in my mind, I can never see it, but it's a collection of concepts. Rather than visualizing all details as a whole at once, I am adding each detail one by one, building onto the IDEA of the thing.

The vase doesn't have a crack on the handle because I just automatically visualized a vase with a crack. It was more that I cognitively understand the concept of a vase, what they tend to be made out of, how they tend to look and feel, the properties they have. So based purely on that knowledge, I can imagine "a chip is something that a vase could have, it would look this way and behave this way" - more like... I'm constructing a bullet point Fact List about the object rather than seeing it.

So if you tell me to imagine an object, I can, in a way, imagine that object in great detail, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING those details, more just knowing it's qualities in a purely conceptual way. Sometimes in the tags when people are like "yeah I can see the skin of the apple, texture, little dots on the surface" it's like… I can imagine that too, I can know it's there, but just with no visual attached.

I guess rather than SEEING something and going ''ah. I know what this looks like because I have seen it''. I more just skip that visual step entirely and go ''I know what this looks like, I just randomly have a list of information about the concept in my mind.'' etc. Maybe similar to how sometimes in dreams, even though a house may look completely different and be in an entirely fake 'dreamlike' environment, you just somehow KNOW intuitively that it's meant to be your childhood home or something. Even when it looks nothing like it in reality. There's a built-in base knowledge of the properties or information of some things within a dreaming mind, etc.

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This also makes me wonder about like.. how storytelling and myth is so important to cultures all across time. Or how this could tie also into concepts of religion.. etc. etc. If so many people really can kind of conjure these vivid images in their mind, then maybe that's part of why certain things are so meaningful to them? Like a "religious experience" being something you can actually really SEE/feel/lingering with you in your head, rather than just abstract words on a page, detached purely theoretical ideas, etc... hmmm

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Plus also just for average emotional stuff too, even outside of broader cultural conceptual attachments..

Like, I don't think there's a direct 1 to 1 link (obviously not all people with mental illnesses that significantly reduce their emotional or expressive capacity also MUST have aphantasia or vice versa), but it's interesting as someone who DOES also have a much more lessened emotional range/pretty flat affect/etc. etc. to think like.. Maybe I WOULD be more emotional, in a way, if I could have these vivid experiences..?

Perhaps memories would hold deeper significance if they could really stay with me vividly. Or storytelling would evoke more of a deep emotional reaction to me if I could really picture and feel the things that are going on. If things were more TANGIBLE in my brain, rather than always merely conceptual highly abstracted ideas.

Kind of like, it's probably easier to get over the death of a pet or something, if after not seeing them for an hour you already don't remember what they looked like (beyond just a vague fact list of traits), and you have no vivid memories or mental reminders of them (beyond just factual information stores). COGNTIVIELY you can appreciate the idea of their absence, of course, you still miss them, but there's just no remaining visceral sensory ties. A very "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing in terms of attachments, memories, emotions, etc. Maybe certain things are easier to "get over", when you're not having constant mental sensory reminders that occasionally rekindle your feelings about the event or etc.??

(like for example, maybe someone could remain angry about an argument longer if they could vividly replay it in their head over and over again. VS just like.. 'Yes I can factually recall the fact I had an argument, and I do have knowledge stored about what precisely was said, but any sort of sensory data such as sights/smells/feelings, etc. from the actual moment of the event are long gone and can never be conjured again in my mind." etc.)

Which again, I think lessened emotional permanence and image permanence in the mind are NOT inherently linked, can all be caused by different things for different people. And, since I can't visualize anything in my head, maybe I'm misunderstanding how it happens and the effect it may have on stuff like remembering things you miss or replaying arguments, etc. etc. But it's still a little interesting to think about, if they could influence each other to some degree.... :0c --

Lastly, It's also weird because I'm actually pretty good at estimating distance and spaces? I can quickly assemble furniture without an instruction manual, pretty easily have a concept of how much space a chair may take up in a room, how two mechanical parts might fit together - BUT, I am literally not actually visualizing anything. I cannot see 3D objects in my mind at ALL. It's like.. just based on the pure List Of Facts About Things Which I Have Observed.. I can intuitively go "oh this works like this/this is this size" just because.. I know it's that size. I don't have to see anything to know..?

But then on the other hand, I'm terrible at directions without a map (I guess because a 3d outdoor environment has WAY more complexity than like.. "Will this square fit into another square?"etc. lol ).

BUT, I also draw/sculpt/etc. entirely without references, and seem to do mostly okay at that..? Like.. I can't even remember the last time I actually used a reference or looked at anything whilst drawing. It's all muscle memory, and me just adjusting as I go until something "looks right" on paper, I never have a set image in my head (or external reference) before hand.. Hrmm....

AND.. I used to say that I had a photographic memory when I was younger, which I know NOW is not true (I always thought it was just an expression, not that people could literally see things in a photographic way). But what I was describing is, I do often associate information with imagery, just... without imagery....

Like "Oh, I know that I took my medicine earlier today because I have a distinct memory, a snapshot of a moment in time, of me rattling the pill bottle in my hands as I looked up at a stop sign while in the back seat of a car". When I say this, I can't ACTUALLY see/feel/hear a pill bottle, or vividly picture a stop sign, but it's more just a factual recall, of. Even though I don't see these things, I know they happened, the information of them happening (me hearing a sound and also looking at a stop sign at the same time) has been stored in my brain as a memory, a collection of linked facts. --

As for other senses, I cannot taste or feel anything in my head AT ALL.. wild that some people mention that. I mean, again, I can have a purely factual recall as if reading a textbook, knowing the information of 'X item typically has X texture, therefore I can imagine what it may be like to feel it' or 'X usually has this taste' etc. - but I can never actually experience those senses in any capacity in my mind alone. I would say audio is my strongest mental sense (maybe a 2.5 or 3 (if it were translated onto the above scale where 1 is most vivid and 5 is nothing)), then visual (4.5 at most, usually 5), and then taste and smell and such are just complete 5, absolutely nothing, I didn't even know people could experience taste or feeling just in their mind alone.. lol...

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )